Relationships in teaching . . .

“the most powerful factor in transforming students is a relationship with a caring teacher who a kid feels particularly connected to.” It is the teachers who make such an impact that students seek out many years later, and reconnecting with your students can be a highly rewarding experience. Not only does it give you the chance to see where your students end up, it also gives you the chance to hear their gratitude and to truly know the kind of impact you had on them.

Just one of those days, those reflections about teaching and building relationships

During my twenty-eight-year teaching career, there were many moments where I questioned myself on why I became a teacher. I truly feel God created me to be a teacher, and it is not that He was not there every step of the way, but just like any path in life, there were obstacles and tests to make sure we are giving 100% to whatever God designed us to be.

The student in my room who struggled everyday with learning disabilities, yet she went from 13% on her reading assessment at the beginning of the year to 60% at the end of the year! This is why I teach!

The student who squealed with delight and jumped in my arms, when she saw me in the store. This is why I teach!

The student who sent me an email once to tell me she had all As in 6th grade this year! This is why I teach!

The students who contacted me to tell me they were graduating from high school, graduating from college, getting married, having babies, or just to say hi.

The students, like Tiffaney, Georgia, and Julia, who will meet with me to have a cup of coffee and let me know how things are going in life, their decisions about their future, or just to talk. This is why I teach!

To hear students fascinated and in awe when I would share Mr. Murrell’s WWII treasures. This is why I teach!

To see that student who struggled every day with math or science, have that Aha moment and the light just shines from their eyes! This is why I teach!

But I also taught because I loved the laughter, the smiles, the most random questions and comments, and the opportunities to share stories in hopes the stories would encourage my students to be different, to stand out, to have a voice, and to become everything they were created to become! This was truly why I taught!

Teaching, then and now, should not put its emphasis on testing! To quote one of my students from years ago, “Mrs. Murrell, if they make us take one more standard test, they will make us all become STANDARD PEOPLE, we will not be unique, different, or have choices. We will just be STANDARD!” This is why I taught!

Here go those relationships again . . . This is what is important, especially for the ones I teach, but really for all children! Every child should be able to FEEL SAFE. A student once sent me this text too. “I loved being in your class. I always felt safe when I was close to you. And I will stay in touch.”

Many times during my teaching career I was asked, “Why I become so personal with my students?” Why would you not become personal and build relationships with your students? It seems to me that the atmosphere in the classroom improves, it becomes more conducive to the learning you want to take place, and the students see that you genuinely care. When these things take place, learning – real, deep learning – is going to happen!  I do not want them to walk in my room in August, and out the door in May, and nothing has changed between the two of us. I want them to walk in, with the expectation that we are going to learn this year, we are going to learn things about each other, we are going to learn what they need to know to be prepared for middle school, they are going to learn that I have high expectations for their work, attitude, and behavior, and they are going to learn that I love to laugh, make my classroom inviting to them, and that learning can take place while we are having fun. They are going to learn to have respect for each other and they are going to learn that I care about them, not just the student, but the person! They are going to learn that for me it does not end in May when they walk out the door, that I want to know how they are doing in life! I want to see them celebrate their accomplishments, know that life is going well, see how they face the challenges that will come their way, and watch them become all I knew they were capable of. Life does not end in 5th grade; it is just beginning. If we build relationships with our students, we get to see them grow, succeed, and know that we helped build the foundation for all that they will become! I have seen so many grow, graduate, go to college, get married, have children, and become successful adults. What an honor to be a small part of that! Relationships between teachers and students are so important to the growth and development of not only the student, but the teacher as well! My life is full and rewarding because of those relationships!  I would not have it any other way!

Is there such a thing as too personal when you are trying to teach and inspire students to do their best, despite the obstacles in their way? I do not think so! In December 2016 I had the opportunity to embark on an even more up-close and personal adventure with a student, and no one warned me to stay away, keep my distance. I thought it was so odd at the time. On Christmas Eve 2016, a student and I spent the entire day together, driving to Charlotte, NC, cheering for our team, and driving back home together and no one finds that odd. Yet, I had been invited to bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, I had been asked to pray for families of students I had taught, I had been invited to high school and college graduations, I had even been invited to funerals of family members, and so many other events in the lives of students I had taught, and each time I was warned to back away, keep it professional. How does a teacher, who hopes to inspire and encourage, keep it only professional? That day in December 2016 marked a milestone for me, and what I believe is extremely important in being an effective teacher – building relationships! How can you not spend a day with a student at a football game, and not be personal with your students. She was so excited, and I was even more so, not necessarily about the ballgame, but just being able to spend the day with a student with no one telling me what I should or should not be doing, that is up close and personal!

At the end of the day with Alexus, all I could think was “What a day!” Alexus said she received the best present ever today – spending the day with Mrs. Murrell at the ballgame. It was a great day for me too! We bought her some souvenirs, food, and just really enjoyed our time. It did not really matter that our team did not win! Her statement at end, “Thank you, Mrs. Murrell! I never thought I would get to see a ballgame live! This was the best day. When we get back to school, can you help me write a thank you letter to Mr. Gowdy?” And that was exactly what we did.

Relationships with your students is vital to your student’s success and achievement. My heart has been hurting all day. I walked into my class this morning, excited about seeing my girls and letting them talk about their spring break. They started coming in and they could not wait to tell me everything. As the last ones came in, I noticed a change in the mood and as I talked to one student, she told me that her grandfather died over spring break, so she spent her week with family and funeral events. I could tell she was still really hurting.  I just hugged her and watched her during the day. Another one of my girls dealt with her mother having surgery over spring break. She wrote in her journal this morning about hospital rooms and smells, and how scary it was that her mother had surgery. Then there is the student, who as she was writing in her journal just stops and looks at me and says “Mrs. Murrell, I know there are some things we are not supposed to talk about in school, but I have a question and no one else will take the time to answer me. Can you answer my question?” “Well, you know I will try. What is your question?” She responds, “Well, yesterday our pastor kept talking about Jesus and this long ‘R’ word and I just don’t understand. Do you know what the word is?” I asked her what else her pastor talked about, and she said Jesus dying. “Was the word resurrection?” “That’s it, Mrs. Murrell. What does it mean?”  I explained in simple terms what it meant, and she just sits there and smiles. She said, “That’s pretty awesome, isn’t it, Mrs. Murrell!” I smiled and said, “Yes, it is pretty awesome!” Before the conversation goes any further, another student steps in and says, “You should have just asked me, we can talk about it all we want. Mrs. Murrell really isn’t supposed to though and we don’t want to get her in trouble.” I just laughed and told them it was ok. God sure does have a funny, but right way of keeping me grounded and aware that he is always there, watching and listening! Spring break was wonderful, but life in my classroom is amazing!

Retirement came shortly after June 5, 2019. This was my reflection on that last day of school, on that last day that I would have the ability to make an impact with students. “Well, this is it! Tomorrow will be my last of the important lasts! My last class of Mrs. Murrell’s Pearls will walk through my door, tell me good morning, then shortly after will leave for summer break, and I will realize I have heard my LAST hellos and goodbyes for a lifetime. As I sit here tonight, I reflect on all the lessons learned through 28 years of teaching, but wait I was the teacher, wasn’t I supposed to teach the lessons, not learn them? However, any true teacher will tell you we learn from the students and the experiences as much as the students learn from us. About 20 years ago, I learned a valuable lesson from a very precocious little blonde hair boy. A precious one, who had way too many questions for each day, so being the smart teacher I was, I decided to limit the number of questions he could ask each day. I even went so far as to give him a certain number of tickets each day, and when his tickets were gone, he could not ask any more questions. Until one day when he still had about 2 hours to go in the day, and he only had one ticket left. I asked him, “Are you sure this question is important enough to use your last ticket.” In all seriousness, he answered “Yes, Mrs. Murrell!” I told him okay, and he brought me his last ticket. He looked at me, and smiled, and said, “I don’t really have a question, I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how much I love being in your class.” After several seconds I cried, and then gave him back all his tickets. Then we threw them all away! No more tickets. Lesson learned: sometimes our students may act in a way, that has nothing to do with learning or education, they just need to know someone cares. This lesson and many more have been taught to me by students, more numerous than I can count every year. Fast forward 16 years, and even more students thank me for the things I have done in their lives . . . and I am thanking God for their presence in my life. God continues to bless when we follow His will and direction! The lessons have been many: how to overcome obstacles like parents being killed, homelessness, abuse, and neglect, yet they still come to my classroom door with a smile and a willingness to learn and become more! Then comes today, just when I think my heart cannot take anymore, God says, “But Lynne, I am not through teaching you the lessons!” Bring it on! And He did, when a student with tears in her eyes says, “Mrs. Murrell, this is just too beautiful, I can’t eat it!” Or “Mrs. Murrell, I have never seen anything so beautiful.” Simply teaching me “Please don’t take what I give you for granted, there are others who will appreciate every little thing.”  I do not think I will ever tire of the lessons God teaches us, and I do not ever think I will tire of the relationships built with students that last a lifetime, and I am done thinking I will ever tire of understanding God’s grace and mercy. Yet today I am proud that I overcame my own insecurities and tried to understand their lives.”

After all is said and done, this is why I taught and why I taught the way I did. It was not for scores on tests, evaluations, or having summers off, lol! It was for the simple opportunity of making a difference in a student’s life.  I was overwhelmed by a message I just received one night from a past student! “Hi Mrs. Murrell!! I am not sure if you remember me, but you were my 5th grade teacher in 2005. I just wanted to thank you for opening my eyes to the real impact a teacher can have on her students. You made me love learning and going to school. I am a junior at Hillcrest High School, and I am in teacher cadet because I am planning on becoming a 3rd grade teacher. I just started field experience at Plain Elementary and I have the honor of helping a teacher with a 2nd grade class. I just wanted to thank you for being an amazing teacher. You also helped me love writing and I am currently going to be published in a magazine at Anderson University where I wrote about the real meaning of being a teacher. I miss you so much ❤”